The “n” word.

My class was dissecting the discourse of “violence” in regards to the recent and infamous serial murders of black people by law enforcement. The police alibis were silly. It all described how the police saw the victims as “aggressive” and were scared for their lives, despite having advantage in weaponry and numbers. I’m pretty sure in the Michael Brown case the officer mentioned that he felt like a kid in front of a bear. Bruh. Dear God, please save me from collapsing at the thought of how bitch-made that dude is. On the other hand, according to video footage, most agree the police were extraordinarily tactical. On the real though, it reminds me of how you would jump people in the neighborhood. You catch em lacking, then the squad jump in. And it is justifiable when the victim becomes viewed as the aggressor. 

The day prior, I watched a documentary on NeoNazis, the “White-only Socialist Party.” This individual was being interviewed; he spoke of the power of the swastika and the word “nigger” as a means of inciting violence in black people. Deadass,these dudes are strange. They get their kids to gleefully cheer hatred. Furthermore, it seemed law enforcement and the military were traditional “right of passages” for these folk. 

Making this connection between “violence” and the documentary, I shared it with the class. As I attempted to regurgitate my thoughts into coherent sounds I said, “niggers and Jews.” That’s when hell broke lose. I got cut off, roasted, reprimanded, and all types of loving. It has been three weeks, but I still get the stink eye. LOL. We had a discussion on the word and I noted some views on its usage. One stood out to me, my own question.

1. Does the context of usage of the n-word matter? And if it does, are non-blacks allowed to use it, even in an academic context?

The girl who roasted me was against its usage, regardless of context. However, when sharing my story with other people they always asked, “In what context did you say it in?” And for you skeptical motherfuckers—yes, I did inquire black folk, and every other color of people I knew.

So I ask, does context matter?

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Yeah, I am…

weird. I can recall times when my friends said, “I don’t know you,” or gave me the look because I did/said something embarrassing in public. Initially, I took it as a signal to chill, but Im beginning to become annoyed. Surely, they’re annoyed too. In my last escapade, I was in a near capacity elevator with a friend. We end up on opposite sides of the vator and call to him, “Hey, bruh.” He replies, “Don’t say/ask me something stupid.” I ask him about a class we share, and eventually we reach the light rail. I thought of nothing about it, but his comment struck a cord. It wasn’t he first time he had said that, or albeit anyone. Three days later, on this glamorous Sunday morning, I’m thinking— why am I friends we these lame ass people. They probably suffer from their own insecurities, making it difficult to deal with my overwhelming presence in public. Deadass. Or perhaps I am too weird. Then again, WTF is weird. The word looks and sounds lame. While playing Divinity Orginal Sins: Enhanced Edition, I learned the word zany; a synonym for weird. ZANY. ZANY. ZANY. I cannot accuraetly explain why, but zany is a cool word. Perhaps it’s the initial “z” sound with the “y” at the end. Like, xannies! Real friends, huh?

Lifestyle change..?

I have been thinking about positive lifestyle changes, I have a lot in mind, but perhaps I can begin with my health. Diet is a critical one. With diet, I would eat more home cooked meals. If I eat out, it would be ever so often, a simple snack like fruits, or vagina vacation. From here, I reduce sugars and meat, supplementing with a handful of veggies. Following the golden mean to indulge in moderation, means to indulge in everything. To diversify my meals! It hurts to see people eat a strict regiment of rice, chicken, and broccoli when mother nature has gifted us with a plethora of foods. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, water as the one and only true drink! Sometimes.

My latest foodie mission was discovering Ethiopian food. I had a platter of injera with a variety of sides including lamb, spinach, and a lot of stuff I forgot. The taste is distinct, yet enticing. I actually have a picture! This is at Cafe Ibex in Seattle. I would definitely make another visit. Somali cuisine is next!